Is my date a good match?

In the early stages of a relationship, it can be hard to know if the person you have been on a few dates with is really the right one for you. Even if you like them, do you have enough in common and do you share the same values? All of these questions can be very vexing, especially if you are keen to meet “the one” and settle down.

Tips to help you decide if your date is a good match

1. You have lots of things in common – having shared interests is very important for the longevity of any relationship. In the early days, love will help smooth out the bumps in your relationship, but as time goes on, love needs to mature into a solid friendship based on common ground. Opposites always attract, but if you have absolutely nothing in common besides potent chemistry, your relationship has little chance of making it past the early stages.

2. Shared values – for two people to be a good match in any relationship, they need to share the same values. For example, if you work hard with a view to saving enough money to provide for a future family, but your date is keen to take time out to travel the world and explore new horizons, it is highly unlikely you will remain together in the long term.

3. Approval of family and friends is important for lasting relationship success – whereas we tend to view new relationships through rose tinted spectacles, our loved ones are far more objective, so if they are dropping heavy hints that your beloved is perhaps not the one for you, take heed and listen to them instead of ignoring their advice.

4. You love spending every waking moment with the person and you think about them constantly – it is a good sign if you are completely besotted with your new date, although if they don’t feel the same way you are on a one-track road to heartache and misery! Enjoy the high of falling in love, but try and maintain a sense of objectivity just in case the person is not everything they first appear to be.

5. They appear to feel as strongly about the relationship as you – congratulations, you are in the best possible position for enjoying a fantastic new relationship with someone special! However, even if you are sure this person is “the one”, take it slowly and spend time getting to know them before you give them your heart on a platter—you need to be certain they are deserving of your love.

Do opposites really attract? Is variety the spice of life?

‘Variety is the spice of life’ or so they say; it’s what makes the world such a wonderful place. Different cultures, different languages, different religions, different personalities etc. is what makes life so colourful and exciting but when it comes to dating, do opposites really attract?

Aged 48 and still single, I have been in and out of the dating game for a long time but it is only recently that I have lent some serious thought to the question. When it comes to love and finding an ideal partner most of us tend to choose someone who has similar interests and enjoys doing the same things. Profile matching on Internet dating sites is built upon this premise but judging from my previous unsuccessful attempts at ‘finding the one’ I have come to the conclusion that it is time to cast my net further afield and make acquaintances with people who do not necessarily fit my social mould.

I have recently started dating someone who, on my computer screen at least, has very little in common with me. I love outdoor activities, he doesn’t. I love shopping, he doesn’t. He loves to read, I don’t. The list is endless but what has surprised me is that we actually get on exceptionally well and have discovered that despite being so different we really do have a lot of common ground. We believe in the same principles, we both enjoy giving as opposed to receiving, we share the same lust for life but above all, we are ready and willing to learn from one-another and are happy to tolerate and understand our differences.

I have come to the conclusion that possessing the same values as my partner but at the same time enjoying having space to do my own things in a relationship is what is important to me. I don’t want to spend every minute of every day with my significant other. I want to be able to develop my own interests as well as sharing my life with someone else and I truly believe that it is possible to do without compromising the closeness and security we all look for in a relationship. So, go on. Make a date with someone who you would ordinarily disregard and find out for yourself how opposites do indeed attract!

Christmas Celebrations With Your FWB – Friend With Benefits

As the holidays come around plans are made for parties, dinners, and visits with family and friends. It is a time to celebrate and bring everyone closer. Even casual relationships need that extra spice and enjoyment, and Christmas is the right time to add that extra something. With everything from mistletoe to candles, to the joy of the season, there are many ways to celebrate with casual friends.

The exchanging of gifts is a long-standing tradition at Christmas, so why not take part? Give a gift that can spice up time together, such as a nightie, silk boxers, candles, body oil, or a toy. This gift could make this holiday a sultry one. A fun and surprising idea is to be a present under the tree, perhaps wearing a festive negligee or robe, or just a well-placed bow.

At Christmas lights and decorations are everywhere giving off an ambient glow. Spend a playful evening bathed in the glow of the little lights reflecting of the ornaments. A nice bit of extra effort would be to place candles around the bedroom, scented and unscented, in the colours of the season for a festive ambient glow.

As Christmas is time for parties and dinners, a break will be needed. Casual friends can take an evening off from the hustle and bustle of visiting and parties. Stay in and have fun at home with your own feast. Bring out sensual foods such as champagne, spaghetti with oysters, and chocolate. Serve foods that can become part of playtime such as strawberries with chocolate sauce and whipped cream.

When planning a romantic and fun Christmas together, try to make it as stress-free as possible. The season is already busy with planning good cheer for loved ones from nearby and visiting. This is time for friends with benefits without having to think about gift lists, cards, and guests. Have fun and make this an intimate and personal time. Remember the mistletoe above the door!

Why I Get Out of Bed

I got out of bed last week.

I was in bed for three months.

Last March my husband of twelve years unexpectedly moved out of the house. We didn’t marry young; I was nearly forty when we eloped, but he was the love of my life. As cheesy as it sounds, he was my soulmate. My heartthrob. The man of my dreams.

It turns out he was having an affair with one of my best friends.

I didn’t go directly to bed, I tried to get him to work things out. I gave him some space. I badgered and pleaded with him.

My depression didn’t stem solely from rejection, or that I so misread him. Part of it was the idea of starting over, alone and lonely. I love being married and having a partner. The thought of going through all the pain, turmoil and rejection of dating again was more than my psyche could bear. After all, it took me years to find the “man of my dreams.” What were the odds there were two?

I’m also not your conventional fifty-something. I like punk music, rock and roll, going to shows, wearing jeans and trainers. As I looked around in those weeks before I went to bed, I realized that men my age didn’t wear jeans and trainers. They didn’t go to rock shows. They weren’t where I was.

My friends started signing me up for dating sites. “You’ll find someone,” they proclaimed, “you just haven’t looked in the right places.” It was hooey, I was sure, but it made them feel better, so I let them do it.

The emails came in, first a few, then a lot. “Like what I see,” “Let’s chat soon.” But I didn’t want to sit home by the fireplace and knit. I wanted to rock. One email, though got my attention. “You look like a rocker.”

I looked at his profile. He appeared to be another fish out of water. He was a musician, and as we started emailing back and forth, I found out that he, like me, was always the creepy old person at the rock show.

Ted isn’t exactly why I got out of bed. I realized there was someone out there for me. If not Ted, then someone else. Ted is a doll. We went on our second date last night, and I actually had that fluttery feeling in my stomach when I saw him, something I thought I would never feel again.

Knowing that my heart is still intact and I’m not obsolete is what is got me out of bed. And that is where I intend to stay.